urban planning blog with points for your dome...

Plenty of things to say now punks

2006-11-09T13:46:00.000-05:00

The posting has come few and far between now that I am in grad school. And that is changing today. Now that I am paying to develop my opinions on cities, urbanity, social hierarchy and planning, you best be DAMN sure that you are going to see some opinions now.

Last night I gave a presentation to the Planning Students of Color (PSC).

!

yes, there were white people that invited to come to this thing... as well as students from India - pretty much anyone who has a color, which is everyone. The theme of the group this year is "Gentrification", yours truly definitely has some opinions on that, given that I have been a gentrifier as a resident and property manager. I think it went well, although I got nervous because I'm a tall white guy who kicked black people out of their apartments. I had some razor thin and slippery reasoning for the good that I did at the building where most of the evicting occurred.

it was also my first powerpoint session. here to you nicola and bart.

White Wine, White women, and hate crime

2006-09-23T01:24:00.000-04:00

Mom, what are we doing today?

2006-08-01T09:50:00.000-04:00

and after we stand outside of the clinic we go to dairy queen but mom doesn't let me get the strawberry syrup because she says it looks like afterbirth and Abortion is Wrong.

do you have low aspirations? sure, we all do.

2006-07-28T12:20:00.000-04:00

Anybody out there looking for a doorman job? One is opening up in one of my buildings. Hey, if you prove yourself, you might make it up to a position where you cover for the superintendent when she goes on vacation for a month.

Starts at $12.00/hour!

*
*
*

"Maurice: Hey, I started out mopping the floor just like you guys. But now... now I'm washing lettuce. Soon I'll be on fries; then the grill. And pretty soon, I'll make assistant manager, and that's when the big bucks start rolling in."

Definitely my favorite quote of all time (up to this point).

changes in perspective - HEALTHY, I tell ya

2006-07-28T12:05:00.000-04:00

My more than socialable girlfriend has rubbed off on me and subsequently I am slowly turning into a more sociable person. Granted, making me a little more sociable basically involves changing me from an asshole to a curmudgeon.

That being said, living with her and two other roommates has definitely opened up my mind and my perspective a lot. My personal philosophy - one of knee jerk contrianism that aids in the perception of myself as a rugged individualist - is slowly being changed to one involving into making connections with other people as a source of friendship. Just writing that makes me feel all different and stuff.

Its good to learn that I am not quite an old dog yet.

contrarian consumerism

2006-07-26T14:43:00.000-04:00

a spolied rotten american child looking for an act of rebellion to associate themselves with. how about i buy a sneaker that no one else has that says i don't like other sneakers that other people have?

my rampant antipathy towards political discussions nowadays

2006-07-25T15:38:00.000-04:00

Man am I pissed off about that Bush! I think I'm gonna Blog.

Fuck that Bloomberg! I can't play my xBox in the dark with the AC blasting. I'm gonna blog his ass off! Shit...

my frustrations towards our government have been pushed down far enough as to resemble a loose sphere of wet paper towels.

you wanna hear my opinion on why people are republicans? because when it boils down to it, most people are assholes. so as I sit here with my smug liberalness republicans are making money and hating themselves and my broke ass is going to graduate school. Fiscally, I am already a republican, but not a Republican. Socially they are too fucked up. But, believe it or not, there are some people out there that you would be surprised are republican. For instance - Gays. There are a lot of gay republicans out there, believe it or not. So get this:

1. they don't have any children - right there, they have more money than straight people.
2. once you get more money, you want to hold on to it.
3. hell yeah they are supporting lower taxes
4. so they are making mad money, and they can travel somewhere else to be gay.

i think i am about 12 years ahead of my peers. i am already disillusioned with social welfare.

journalistic integrity

2006-07-13T14:42:00.000-04:00

Check out Nyinquirer.com. for some of this guy's journalistic excellence.

(one more thing) - Zidane - head butt

2006-07-12T09:57:00.000-04:00

That was awesome. Supposedly the Italian guy called him "son of a terrorist whore" and that's why he lost it. Hey man, you talk shit to a mothafucka with a head like that you are getting what you deserved. I mean seriously, he LAID the guy out with a headbutt to the chest! How fuckin hard is that? My friend says that soccer players are pussies. Whatever! They go out there, RUN for almost two hours, and have no protective equipment other than shin guards.

A little backstory - Zidane is the sone of Algerian immigrants, sort of like being a Mexican immigrant in the US. And he considers himself a non-practicing Muslim. That being said, if its true that this Italian guy said what he said, I can't blame him for doing what he did. Consider these:

1) He's playing for the French National team - not the algerian national team.
2) He's already living with the media and political racism of being a Muslim.
3) He's considered the greatest player of the game in the last 20 years.
4) AND France has had issues with muslims lately - see this article about Fance banning headdresses. So there might be a little questioning on his part that he represents a country that is already hostile to people like him.

Combine all that shit together and what do you got? A mothafucka laying somebody out with a headbutt. Don't give me any crap about "sportsmanship". You don't think there is backstory with every match? We are talking about teams that are representing
NATIONS - and all the political maneuvering, institutionalized racism and nationalism. These matches and players have the imposition of their national psyches whether they like it or not.

I want to ramble on about the collapse of the nation-state in the 21st century and how the word nation will mean almost nothing in about 20 years, but I'll stop here.

Zidane is still the man in my book. Fuck 'em.

You think you won New York FUCK YOU I won.

2006-07-12T09:20:00.000-04:00

I've been walking the streets and feeling the vibe of NYC. Through lotsa yoga and a daily dose of kave tea, my habitual anger and unease towards overcrowding and people not getting out of a mothafucka's way has lessened.

So I've been having regrets over leaving. I almost feel that because I didn't come here with a plan or a career path in mind, and I am now leaving in order to pursue one, that I've lost somehow. That NYC licked me and is making me run with my tail between my legs.

(interior monologue) Man fuck that! I want money but I need to do it my way. I like new york and shit but I know i got some other places to see and I just don't want to fuckin take a trip, stay in a shitty hotel, sweat while I go see landmarks, and then leave. I want to LIVE in other places. Spice of fuckin life if you ask me. No way I'm going to be able to do that living in this city where the cost of living is preposterous. I'll just be drowning my sorrows in drink and ethnic foods till the day I die. NO fuckin way. I sometimes see myself joining the paper chase and I'm like whoa, what good is that? Maybe I'll be able to rent a house on fire island for a week or two to get away from it all and be sandwiched between some self-hating bitter stockbrokers and i-bankers on one side and some self-hating bitter fags on the other? Shit. No fuck that I love myself and I am going to do what I need to do to get where I want to go. And it ain't happening here, right now.

And there you have it! Listen to this guy, he knows what's up! If at work, turn the sound down. If not, blast it!

blah blah blah SUMMER

2006-07-11T11:39:00.000-04:00

blah blah blah My Life blah blah blah republicans blah blah blah overmediation blah blah blah music is starting to suck hard again blah blah blah look at how special I am i know this thing i'm going to forward to you so then you know what it is and simultaneously get some type of reverence for me blahblahblah high school reunion blahblahblah i could give two shits about most of those people blahblahblah.

getting A/C fixed today in my car

2006-07-07T10:48:00.000-04:00

If you live in the city, it is almost IMPOSSIBLE to live without A/C, especially if you have a car.

I love going to the beach. Driving through the streets in my black car with leather seats, and getting on the highway with the exhaust and the noise from the trucks blaring in my face is the most perfect manifestation of my version of hell.

A/C is really a Faustian bargain. It is almost impossible to live without but it, along with driving, is creating a whole shitload of carbon dioxide and melting the ice caps, thereby making our planet a hell of a lot hotter.

I know that I can be ridiculously introspective and can be incredibly sensitive to my feelings of guilt and I still cannot go without it. Am I in the minority? Is there anyone out there who turns off their A/C because of the ice caps?

I leave with you this:

to pontificate is to masturbate the caliphate

2006-07-06T15:10:00.000-04:00

I am writing this from work. Why? Because it is summer and there is NOTHING to do. No tenants complaining about heat. Just now I hung up on a Chinese liquor store owner - they paid their rent late for June - I didn't know they paid till I looked them up in the system.

BUT,

I know the girl who answered the phone - her English is fine - and she was pretending not to know English when I was asking her about the rent. I used to get worked up and really frustrated - but now I know it is a pretty good strategy. It's a really good way to get me off the phone. Now I just say something really offensive - like "your wines are bottom shelf rotten grapes swimming in tannins."

Nothing like a razor sharp wit to keep people in check.

finally something i can believe in...

2006-06-27T12:10:00.000-04:00

http://www.selltheknicks.com/index.html

how about i fuck you up

2006-06-26T16:28:00.000-04:00

I've been in a shitty moody lately. I think it is subsiding. That's how i feel, above.

that's an inconvenient mothafuckin truth

2006-06-23T09:50:00.000-04:00

Went to go An Inconvenient Truth last night. Mad knowledge dropped by Al Gore. It's a wonderful thing to see a politician stop being a politician. Trust me, there is no way in hell he can run for President now. I believe he's levitated himself to Thoreau-type status by making this movie.

www.climatecrisis.org

There was an article in Harper's a couple of months ago about how the Republican's have used post modern deconstructive theory to their own ends, in terms of questioning base truths like evolution. In a world in which everyone's perspective at least bears a listen to, the objectivity of truth gets thrown a monkey wrench.

But you can't blame people, to an extent. With all the things going on with Merck and Vioxx, and the changing of their results in order to reflect that the medication wasn't dangerous, you can understand that a good portion of the cognizant public might give at least a cusory nod to the other side of the story with global warming.

But there is no other side. Gore shows that the science is 100% fool-proof. It's impossible to argue with. Stop arguing and do something about it. As a future urban planner, hopefully I will ablse to institute some measures to at least get people to understand what the fuck is going on. The fact is is that it is OUR GENERATION that has to do something about it. We have to teach the children and IGNORE our elders. They are too settled in their way of life to be able to change. Trust me, I've tried in my office with someone and it is a no-go.

Gore also gives the incredible analogy that I have always used when it comes to schooing developing nations (eg. China and India )about global warming - that of lung cancer and cigarettes. We all know that lung cancer increases your chances of getting lung cancer, even though it is not 100% certain. But we do it anyway because the statistics have been inculcated into is - there is a damn good chance that we will catch lung cancer.

We know that fossil fuels are fucking up the environment - therefore we have to say to the developing nations - hey, this shit isn't good for you or the planet. Fuck all that Thomas Friedman nazi shit about "We (the western world) developed exactly like they are right now - therefore we have no right to dicate their policy." BULLSHIT. Scientists, who tend to be above all this political nonsense, are telling us what has to be done.

In other news, Harriet the Tortoise died.

look at those eyes - she knew shit we can't even fathom.

everybody has feces in their toothbrush

2006-06-21T14:12:00.000-04:00

I have a dream...

2006-06-16T11:21:00.000-04:00

that one day, in the near future, I will no longer have to stave off boredom by posting on my blog. That I will meet all of you, face to face, and talk animatedly to you about what I am thinking, instead of the dull image of my words that I am currently using to communicate.

How does one define selling out? I think it has something to do with taking money for something that you really don't want to be doing. I was considering taking my current place of work to the bank, but then I thought to myself, yeah, I'll have a bunch of money for doing next to nothing. Do I want to do this with my life? My one chance on this earf, to be sitting on my arse making other people money? I'm frightened of that moment right before I knock out for all eternity, thinking to myself - "WTF did you do? Are you leaving the planet better or worse off than you left it?"

I don't know if this is a remnant of my idealism. Because really, in the end, whatever I do here isn't going to make a shits difference to the planet or the human race. Not one iota. That being said, do I go against my better judgment and just start hoarding to make my existence right here and now better?

NO, FUCK THAT.

Also, is raisin' young 'uns a goal? I was reading some obituaries in the local Greenpoint paper the other day. A majority of them were either "loving parent", "loving mother", "loving/loyal grandmother/grandfather". So yeah, here's a big up for you, mom/dad, thanks for putting out your seed/carrying such seed, feeding me and shit, and not beating me. Maybe thanks for the inheritance too, all that hard work that you put in so I could take a vaca in the Bahamas.

I am too self-absorbed to consider this a solitary goal. I want children, (pretty badly actually - i am going to be such a good father - I have mad wisdom to drop), but I also want to accomplish other things as well, so my kids have somebody to look up to, outside of the literal aforesaid. All that wisdom ain't shit if I don't have anything (not necessarily meaning material) to show for it.

Keepin it moving,
CSP

angry confused martian salesman

2006-06-15T10:48:00.000-04:00

So they are starting to look for someone to replace me at my job. Which sort of makes me feel odd - I have been working here for over four years. But my quality of life has gone downhill and I am feeling better and better every day about leaving.

Also, I just learned that the Consumer Price Index went up almost 5% last year. So if you got a 5% raise last year (pretty sweet, usually) all it did was keep your salary congruent with inflation. Much like I did last year. I was very happy at the time, but now that I've learned this it makes me feel like I've been ripped off.

I used to not really care about money, but I've realized that I'm smart enough that my time equals money to some people. And I feel that I was never going to get paid enough for my precious time.

So, anybody that is reading this, remember - your time is valuable. Not only your skills (all the computer programs you know), but your precious precious time.

Live and learn folks live and learn.

Famous people i want to meet

2006-06-13T10:25:00.000-04:00

Thomas Pynchon and Tom Waits. They both are named Thomas.

I'm reading Mason & Dixon right now and it is amazing. The amount of research that this man does makes the book practically a living thing. Yet in no reviews does he contend that the book is any way authoritative - he sees history as a living thing, open to the proclivities of the author.

I think the reason he wrote this book is an honest attempt to see what lies under the American psyche; what makes it tick. At one point, Jeremiah Mason muses to himself about whether or not America "is the fitful dream of Britannia". And the ugly truth about this country is that its economic institutions, from the indentured servitude of those poor schmucks who started Jamestown so they could get the fuck out of Merrye Olde Englande, to actual slavery, to its current manifestation of the corporation, is based in some form of SLAVERY. Of taking advantage of someone who either doesn't know any better or can't fight back. This seems to be American's perpetual joke - our "Who's on first?"

Whomever is reading this, please try and pick up one of his books. I have not read "V." yet, nor "The Crying of Lot 49". I can only speak from my experience of "Gravity's Rainbow" and the book above. Reading Pynchon is an event of in itself.

An agent of tolerance? fuck no.

2006-05-26T11:59:00.000-04:00

SO,

I can be a complete and utter asshole sometimes. There was a moment yesterday that I was being self-congratulating for now living with two gay male roommates.

"Wow - look how open-minded I am!"

But all this "tolerance" bullshit that I was raised with is such bullshit. This is the meaning of it, from Wikipedia.

Sometimes I say to myself during my ivory tower flushes that I sometimes get - "Can't people who get angry at other people for how they live realize that we really are all in this together? That, as long as it does not affect you , that it is OK?" And then the imaginary straw man that I set up in my head goes, "well, what about the children?" Well what the fuck about the children? My goodness, if a kid is going to be gay, he's going to be gay. It doesn't matter if he's living in the fucking Castro and wears rainbow underwear. Being gay looks like one of the tougher things that an idividual can go through in Western society, this being the land of plenty and some don't have to worry as much about where their next meal is going to come from.

THe above argument is in regards to my sister, who, after taking charge of me after my mom died, decided that she didn't want for me to be raised in a "gay" neighborhood like Park Slope, and decided to move into what I consider to be one of the shitholes of NY - Canarsie, Brooklyn. Talk about no culture, barely a movie theater, fucking wasteland of a place. I met some quality people, a few of whom I keep in touch with still, and in no way do i mean to denigrate them or their homes in anyway shape or fashion.

But since i was a little bit of a "soft" kid (read - liked to read a lot, and liked his alone time) I was thought of being "effeminate", and just a little exposure to an alternative lifestyle would turn me into Larry Kramer. And in the process, I missed out on living in a place that would have fostered my creativity a little bit, and not have turned me into the bitter middle manager that I am today. I'm changing, slowly but surely, but first I have to do some reprogramming.

(AN ASIDE - please read this after you've read my ranting. If you've been in public school your whole life, it might be the most important thing you've ever read.

THIS is the type of thinking that we have to get rid of in this country. People think that they can control what their children become - THEY CAN'T. Not a chance in hell. All you can really do is instill a sense of honesty and a sense of wrong and right. Otherwise, given the exposure of the internet and an increasingly atomized society, they are going to make their own choices no matter what.

So no - I Just Don't Care who I live with. I know who I am, and the fact is that gay people have had to resist almost everything in the world telling them that their lifestyle is wrong, and is horrible, and is a million other things. We should all be so lucky as to have to go through an ordeal like that to figure out who the hell we are.

But then, given the choice, we usually just end up with choice paralysis, and turn into this.

Here's to you.

2006-05-25T11:55:00.000-04:00

Here's to you, Donny Baseball
my, that giraffe looks hungry
is it excitement over meeting you that drives
his wanton need to trust you?
The mustache
yes
it makes it easier
smells of Copenhagen, hot dogs and the Major Deegan
cut that hair?
no
You shipbuilder cum extravagantist, have no flair for the dramatic
left field was my porch on which he swung
did the elders of Evansville see you coming this far?
You owned Randy Johnson.

So watcha watcha watcha want?

2006-05-24T10:21:00.000-04:00

I used to be all into McCain and but to see how he's sold out in order to get a shot at the presidency is absolutley revolting. I mean how does this guy sleep at night? First he calls Jerry Falwell "an agent of intolerance" and then goes to speak to at his fucking university.

I JUST DON'T BELIEVE IN SELLING OUT LIKE THIS. This guy, if he stuck to his guns and went after Bush harder, WOULD HAVE WON THE NOMINATION after South Carolina and all that shady shit that Rove pulled down there.

This is a man who is in the twilight of his life. He's pretty old (he'll be celebrating his 70th birthday this August) and I guess really really wants to be president. This is the biggest flip flop of that I've ever seen. Hopefully the democrats will bring it up during the 2008 election.

The Democrats have to change the conversation from this religious yahooism to one of rich vs. poor. They will not win unless they do this. The reason why there is a tremendous amount of religiosity in this country is because there are a whole lotof poor people who are outsiders to being an idealized member of the pervasive consumer culture around them, don't have any way of getting out of their current situation, and then turn to faith in order to provide hope that they might one day get out of whatever shitty situation they are in.

Man I hate talking about politics. Its all about making moves - no moral center to speak of. Seeing what the pursuit of power has done to McCain makes me not want to give a flying fuck about politics anymore. I'm still going to vote (green party and Marijuana reform party down the line, as usual) but my interests are now going to reside in architecture and urban design. Stuff that is not completely outside of the political realm but has more to do with aesthetic politics more than anything else.

I understand that life is complex - that difficult choices are made, that sometimes principals have to be comprimised. I have to do that sometimes as well. But yeesh - have to recant something I said in public? No way.

The spoon isn't really there...

2006-05-14T10:16:00.000-04:00

In the Sunday magazine today there is this article about why digital books and media are the future and how we should say goodbye to books, newspapers, etc. And, not to be curmudgeonly, I think its a load of bullshit.

A friend of mine once told me, after seeing an emotional reaction coming from me regarding something in the news, that "I don't why you get all worked up over it - its just information." This was a long time ago so I have no idea for what reason i got all worked up. I get worked up often so you can imagine my lack of memory on the issue.

The fact is that things - articles, books, manifestos - coming from a screen are only always going to be just information. And the reason is that, at least with my generation, we have an embedded experience of being passive when it comes to viewing things on a screen. In fact, its a means of survival. If I bought everything and pined for everything that I saw in a commercial, or fantasized about every untenable lifestyle portrayed in a movie to the point of trying to emulate it, I'd have no means of finding out who the hell I actually am.

I am, unfortunately, attracted to big ideas. I conceptualize about nonsense and relationships (and often try to invert what I perceive to be an iron-clad causation - a left-over of my post modern education) on the fly quite often. When I am reading something off of the internet, tho, I do not go through my mental acrobatics of visualization and abstraction - I am simply downloading.

I really think it is quite simple. When I read a book or article, in the pulp-flesh, images come to my mind quite naturally. The words read create an image in my mind. Yet, when I read something off of the internet, I am already reading a generated image. My mind, used to reading words off of paper, is not ready to do the visualization jump needed to actually comprehend and enjoy a text. Perhaps children of the Age of the Internet will be able to do this. As of now, when I am bored at work (which is quite often) I am scanning the text for bits of information that I care about.

Right now I am thinking of semiotics and the relation between the signifier and the signified.

Its almost as if words become images themselves - something that runs quite contrary to deconstructive theory - i.e., the story is always outside of the text. A word, or sign (the signifier), is supposed to relate to a concept outside of itself (the signified). I would argue that the concept being generated from reading something off of the internet is a mish mash of the actual meaning of the word, the concept generated from reading it in a book some other time, as well as applying the former to everything else being read. It's a fucking whirlpool.

UNLESS - if I didn't feel my natural inclination to question what I read sometimes. Unless I didn't give a shit about what I was reading and how it affects me in a grander scheme of things.

If I was just downloading. I think that that is the future - people just downloading things - physically and figuratively. I don't know how I feel about that but I am completely and utterly powerless to do anything about it.

Small portions and their potential

2006-05-12T14:41:00.000-04:00

I love to eat. I am quite skilled at putting away large portions of diverse foods, sometimes during one sitting.

I have also gained some weight, especially after not riding my bike everywhere like I used to. This is an issue for me, as my looks are all I have. Everything else is flighting. I am at about 220 lbs, down from a svelt 195 about two years ago.

The weight gain has been gradual - I stopped going to Bikram Yoga and stopped being vegan ever so slowly, as both of these activites took money out my pocktetses that I just didn't have. (Aside - one of the grand ironies of the Contemporary American Life is that the poor are usually fat and the rich have time and money to be thin).

That said, my wise and beautiful girlfriend had something to say the other day that appealed to my most active of qualities, my cheapness:

"Do you ever think about how much all of that extra food that you buy COSTS?"

Well, yes and no. Yes, as one of the ways that I like to spend money on myself is to go get something to eat that I really like. Some psychologists would call it my primary reward nexus - I do something that I have to do and then I reward myself with food.

No, because I still am like a child, and do not think of anything else outside of rewarding myself.

So, in this case - I have to think "no pain, no gain."

Or at least, loss.

mahna mahna

2006-05-01T14:18:00.000-04:00

6/6/06

2006-04-28T16:16:00.000-04:00

http://www.nationaldayofslayer.org/

Sign of the Beast,
Chris

9 1/2 weeks

2006-04-28T12:54:00.000-04:00

Always do the right thing.

So when I started at my current job, I was a mess - just broke up with my girlfriend, living with junkies in Bushwick, and I was angry at the world as I still was having some issues with September 11th and my general lack of direction in life. The ad on Monster said that the job as a real estate canvasser required "persistence". So, thinking that there was going to be a million schmucks faxing and sending their resume via email, I just got my suit on and walked into the office. Surprised by my pluck (and possibly my look of desperation) they gave me the job on the spot. I started the next day.

I will have been here four years on May 31. On July 31, I am quitting to go to Graduate school. During my time here there have been a lot of ups and downs, but I've always been thankful for the opportunity that they gave me. So I told them that I was leaving four months before I actually am.

This brings up a lot of issues. For one, I have this paranoid thought that people think that I am judging them somewhat for my decision to leave. Some people in my office have decided to stay here for a long time - they've become partners in some of the buildings and decided that this is where they were going to live it out. I've just accomplished everything that I wanted to, and there is little financial gain to be made here for me. So me leaving ends up being an inherent judgment on how they've decided to pursue their working life.

Also, I've been getting mad work dumped on me. And I've basically thrown away my vacation days. Man am I a schmuck - I don't know how to play office politics at all.

Ah well. Life lesson learned. I just wanted to do the right thing, but sometimes I have to approach the right thing with a little more nuance. Nuance - things are not as cut and dry as I would like them to be.

Fuck it.

Talkin' shit.

2006-04-19T09:35:00.000-04:00

Shit smells. We all know this. And, after you drop your deuce in either your bathroom, or someone elses, there is usually a matchbook there for the purpose of what some people believe "masks" the smell.

The whole reason for lighting a match is that the thing that smells is gas. And, much like a gas stove, if you take fire to gas, it burns it up in the air.

So, if you take a smelly dump, light a match and let it burn for a while. It is not the smell of the sulphur that is doing the work, it the actual fire of the match that is burning up the gas.

Life is a kampf for some people; for others, life is war

2006-04-14T10:10:00.000-04:00

Slow day at work, and I have an idea for something I want to write. I am just doing it.

It really is that simple. Yet, with me accepting Cornell's offer to go to grad school, my foray into my creative endeavors is now picking up a peculiar type of urgency. As in, I need to get this done before I go to grad school, or I will never finish it.

A former employer of mine, after giving me $30 raise on my bi-weekly check of $730, told me that I "lacked a sense of urgency."

He was completely and utterly correct. Back then, pre-September 11th, I was all about simply supporting myself. I did the minimum of work possible to get by, and that was that.

If I want to accomplish my goals in this lifetime, I have to approach them with a sense of urgency, yet not completely punish myself when things to go the way that I think they will.

But still. I'm going to keep plugging away till I think i got this life thing figured out. It really doesn't have to be that hard.

I fucking hate Nike. Hate Hate Hate Hate. But their fucking slogan forever was "just do it". Really fucking pertinent and important. We have so many choices these days, especially if you have a brain in your head and get think about an alternate reality other than the one you currently inhabit.

I also hate the Grateful Fucking Dead.

Yet I love the name of one of their live Albums - "Without a Net". Sometimes you really do have to go on faith - whether it be faith in the G-O-D, faith in Yourself, faith in Gaia
, or whatever, faith is important. I prefer the faith in myself option, but Gaia just looks so damn fertile!

Redevelopment of Ground Zero

2006-04-13T09:57:00.000-04:00

I am a big fan of the subconscious. HUGE. And when it comes to redeveloping ground zero, I think that all the major players involved are purposefully stepping on each others (and their own) feet in order to NOT build it.

I was playing lawn darts with my friend Chris (there were three Chris's in my neighborhood growing up) and I let one really fly, hitting Chris's mom's car in the right fender. I got so scared that I ran all the way home - I was frightened of the repurcussions. In fact, every time I say that deep, pea-sized dent in the car, I got worried that they would say something to me sooner or later. Further, because of my reaction, every time I saw my friend Chris I thought of what I did to his mom's car.

This little digression adds up to this: When something bad happens, our natural inclination is too flee. I've learned since to stand up for shit that I have fucked up, turning myself into an adult (almost - my girlfriend can attest to this!).

Yet what we have with the rebuilding of ground zero is this need to extinguish the past. True, the memorial is being built and it will truly be amazing.
Are the people responsbile for redeveloping the site actually FEEL that this is an adequate homage? Of course, on the surface, they feel that they've accomplished something by pushing the memorial forward.

I mean really, this is New York - if you really want to build a fucking building, you can build a building tout suite. NYC real estate is so valuable, the return on the capital investment is astronmical.

All I am saying is this: nobody wants to fall over themselves to rebuild over a graveyard, capitalist imperative or no.

Plantation this, plantation that.

2006-04-06T14:48:00.000-04:00

As from my previous post, y'all know that I went down to Jacksonville AKA JaX AKA Jacko (for you celebrity whores) for a wedding. On the island where the hotel was is this development called the "Amelia Island Plantation", which is actually really close to this, a former plantation.

One time, when I was shopping for gifts for my girlfriend at Bed Bath and Beyond, I saw this and let out a laugh:

I mean really, "Plantation Butler" table? Why don't they just put a fucking picture of Stepin Fetchit, getting shortbread and lemonade for Massa on the front?

So when driving past the above plantation, I started thinking - well what the fuck is up with this whole plantation thing? And now, check this out, a keyword search for all the Home and Garden items at Amazon.com that have the word "Plantation" in it.

1,570 items.

The word "Plantation" is now an "aspirational" word in marketing speak. When you think "Plantation" do you yearn for the days when you could run your own plantation, sipping lemonade on the porch while your chattel work the fields?

The fact is that a majority of white america never owned slaves BUT owning a plantation has deep historical roots in this country as having "made it". Sitting back, letting others make money for you. Owning your own business taken to the now-eradicated extreme.

No wonder some black people are always paranoid of white people. No wonder black people think that "acting white" is fucked up. Yeah, keep thinking that we are on an equal playing field - we are dealing with some deep subliminal shit here.

I will now sit and watch Girlfriends, and not laugh.

Wasting away again in Jacksonville.

2006-03-30T14:42:00.000-05:00

Kind special readers,

I am heading off the wilds of northern Florida once again to partake in Amanda's cousin's shotgun wedding. Not really because she was preggers before the ring - she wasn't. But that I may have to bring a shotgun to the wedding because of all the fucking retarded republicans down there. It's like Thriller at the Grand Ole Opry or some shit.

You know who i support? Phishers, spammers, and the like who get people to send them their social security numbers and their children's social security numbers. I really have no sympathy for the victims. None whatsoever.

You know what I like? Dark chocolate covered almonds.

My favorite writer right now? Matt Taibbi. Check out this profile he did on Jack Abramoff.

Alright, time to make the doughnut$.

-CHRIS

No more long bike trips in NYC

2006-03-23T15:13:00.000-05:00

I'm reading this article and I'm like - "No more Mr. Contrarian bike-rider during the spring, winter and fall."

Why? I have this crazy notion in my head that when I ride on the streets, I am inhaling much more toxic fumes than the average pedestrian, given the labor it takes to ride a bike. This can't be good for me. Also, given that I am a committed nose breather, most of this crap is probably being filtered by my sinuses.

My point is that this city is toxic. My former boss, now deceased, passed away from an inoperable brain tumor. He was an avid cyclist. Avid in my sense of the word - he wasn't one of these schmucks who just race around Central Park in their Greg Lamond gear thinking they are climbing the 11th stage of the Tour de France when going up Pilgrim Hill.

No, he was like myself, just riding his bike to get places near or not so near to his neighborhood to either get there faster or because it was a nice day.

Because of this guy,

this city is going to be forever based around the car. I am currently reading The Death and Life of American Cities by Jane Jacobs and she gives the "if you build it, they will come" theory of roads and cars. Until New York starts giving drivers less of a reason to drive into Manhattan (tolls on the East River Crossings, for example), traffic in this city will never subside.

And fuck riding your bike around, has anyone else heard of all the hoopla around the air quality around Ground Zero after September 11th? I just read something the other day about some paramedic who worked down there, came down with a vicious case of asthma, and died last week after a week long battle against LUNG CANCER?

Why aren't people moving in droves from here? Because of the money. Money makes people do crazy things, including living in a polluted, filthy city. Hey, I'm no better, but I am starting to subside from the paper chase. I'll make mines one day, but fuck it if I am making somebody else mad chedda and I only get a cut. Fuck that. I'll be doing my own thing one day and getting mad deductions on my own shit and raising my clan with my own money.

Perhaps.

My foray into City Planning graduate school might not be the most lucrative decision, but you never know. BTW, I'm into Cornell, Albany and Buffalo. Waitlisted at Pratt. Columbia, Hunter and MIT haven't written me yet. Doesn't look good, so I may be parking it in Ithaca. I hear its Gorges.

Information overload; alternative avenues of creation

2006-03-21T11:15:00.000-05:00

I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed lately - getting closer to thirty, bowing to age pressure by feeling constantly insecure about my position in life, and not enough good pizza. I've taken to using my mouse with my left hand to make the days seem more interesting. Its been fairly quiet in my office lately, which is a good thing. And yet I get frustrated when I get bothered by a call. I can be a total and unforgiving asshole sometimes.

I've always had a bit of an obession with leading a creative lifestyle. Lazy mornings with my coffee, working in the afternoon. I think my idea of work is very parochial, narrow minded, whatever you want to call it. Work is something that i need to do to pay the bills. Is it possible to find salvation in work?

I read something recently about how work in the 21st century is changing to basically different avenues of money changing hands. Actual labor is lessening - its going to be all about timing and luck.

Small business ownership is going to be the way to go for me. Living on my own schedule sounds much more satisfying to me. Making my own deadlines, making money for myself.

Just needed to put that out there. Don't know how I am going to do it - hopefully something magical will come to me after a wasabi burst.

I trade in fear OR: Why real estate people are republicans.

2006-03-12T15:55:00.000-05:00

Originally, I was going to post about target marketing to creatively frustrated mid-career professionals (like myself-Ha!), and how this stuff plays on modern age, whiny, The Big Chill who-am-i insecurities, but my mind wandered over to the actual economics of real estate, or: Why do prices, on the whole, staying where they are?

First, lip-service to current theories:
1.) They (God, etc.) aren't making any more land (except for Battery Park, I know. Stop being an asshole)
2.) Urban Land Economics, or, the attraction of cities that keep making jobs. (Follow this link - if its not there, I'll send you the article. let me know.)
3.) Keep the fear alive, and real estate prices will keep rising.

This last one is the one I am going to riff on, as it plays to why Bush got reelected.

Fear makes one get back to the basics. There is a bit to be said about how our populous clamored for strict authortarian rule after September 11th. We were invaded, we were scared, and we wanted leaders to step up.

Every man's home is his castle, a refuge from the world outside. Bomb threats on the subways? Anthrax at mall of america? Let's make a Department of Homeland Security and make the whole country scared.

I am not a conspiracy theorist. This administration has its head up its ass. Yet the infusion of paranoia has had a unintended effect. And the Pavlovian response of a bunch of people who are now millionaires on paper is: keep the fear going.

There is a lot to work with here. I might try to pitch an article to Harpers. What do you think?

Other things that I did done.

2006-03-03T11:01:00.000-05:00

http://battleoverbands.blogspot.com/

I defend Mars Volta against Dustin, who likes his music in Olestra sized bits. Some people are absolute savages.

Dustin is the guy that writes this. Pretty clever comic.

-C

Pregnant Heidi Klum...

2006-03-02T14:39:00.000-05:00

Nothing is hotter than Pregnant Heidi Klum. Even though she has the personality of a Panzer tank, see this blond valkyrie pregnant gets my juice going every single time. She is glowing and oh so fertile.

Childbirf is a wonderful thang. Although, that if I ever have children, I am going to adopt. Something Southeast Asian - Romanian babies aren't as cool and you can't do fucked up things with their hair.

Psychological torture courtesy of the MTA, Bahamas Tourism Board

2006-03-01T11:11:00.000-05:00

So now that I am a commuter (my commute is the B48 bus to the G train at Nassau, with a transfer at 23rd St / Ely Ave to the E, with another transfer to the 6 at 51st/Lexington - WHEW! Fuck!) myne eyes are now drawn to the ads on the subway instead of the joys of "slumming" on the train when I only had to take it for recreation. "Oh , the people watchin is great - look at their sullen eyes!". I now have these same workaday cataracts as well. But I digress.

The above ad is one of many of the ads by the Bahamamian Tourist Board for vacations to their lucky pieces of rock in the Carribbean. Why am I so grumpy about this? Because I am SUCH a captured audience its not even funny. Oh the contrast, between the Ecuadorian restaurant worker who pays maybe a third of his hourly salary to just get on this train and the white sand beaches of St. Croix!

When I dig down further, it all has to do with my aversion towards escapism. When it gets down to it, I am consider myself a man who sees my earthly existence as close as I will get to Paradise. I don't believe in Heaven(yet I do believe in reincarnation, but that is another story). I also firmly belive that if there is a Heaven, that this is it. This is As Good as It Gets. So I try to see the ethereal in all that I come into contact with.

And when I feel like I am missing out, I get testy. It goes towards deconstructing my flimsy worldview.
Maybe I should put that vacation on my credit card - present consumption vs. future debt service! The here and now! Yet I do a fairly good job of jettisoning this out of my head, as I have been in mountains of credit card debt before and it sucks.

Yet. I'm going to get a little philosophical here, so stop reading if you don't give a shit. That's fine, believe you me.

The fact that I believe in the magic of the here and now could plausibly mean that I also am a budding Materialist - something that, conciously at least, I am firmly against. Happiness is more important to me than material things - I would not be going to Grad School for Urban Planning in the fall while leaving my rather high paying job (with a fairly bright future of even being higher paying, currently where I am or at another company) because of my disdain for the material. But what is more about the here and now more than the material world? I can pick up my Ipod, get my favorite Silver Jews song that makes me laugh and think at the same time, RIGHT NOW, and be happy.

Just so you can see this philosophy could enter your daily life, see this article on the Banana Republic ad campaign. Marketers are aware that in a materialist country like ours that a little philosophical meandering happens every now and then. Especially towards the upwardly mobile white middle class, which is Banana's target audience.

BTW, I am wearing Banana Republic pants right now. They are usually too small for my large Bulgarian weightlifter legs. And my fat ass. So go fuck yourself.

To the motherfucking GP

2006-02-27T10:49:00.000-05:00

I've moved from my filthy, dirty, loud, overpriced apartment in the lame Upper East Side to the quiter digs of Greenpoint to cohabit with my girlfriend.

I think marraige is dumb at this point and it's a good way to figure out if you can live with the one you love.

Even though I was daunted by a hellish subway ride this morning, I am much happier where I am now. My cat seems to like it as well.

I have more to write - I'll get back later. Feeling rather sluggish this morning. MUST BE THE FUCKING COLD.

Just Cadillac.

2006-02-24T09:46:00.000-05:00

This just popped into my head. I think a war would have erupted in Iraq the second Hussein died. I guess American involvement speeded up the process, no? The answer to Iraq is to break up the country along ethnic lines like the former Yugoslavia. Iraq's borders were drawn by the British, and its an untenable situation without a dictator. America cannot impose its form of democracy on other countries because our form of regional rights are not based along ethnic lines (I tend to think that residents of Texas and New Hampshire are their own ethnic group, but I digress), but are more about the economic realities of each region. This country is all about the PAPER, not the G-O-D. We even wrote it into our constitution. Split up the country along ethnic lines, maybe give them a piece of the action on some of the oil fields. Give them some money to build some mosques and it will be all good.

In other news, in preparation for my move to Amanda's this weekend (my wonderful girlfriend, in case you didn't know), I am getting my carpet cleaned. It's been in my buildings basement for over three months, gathering untold amounts of dust. The Russian guy tried to upsell me on all these extra cleaning options, such as "shampooing", "spot treatment", "cleaning both sides of the carpet", etc. He made the option I wanted and the only one in my price range (under $200) like he was going to spray it with a fucking water gun. "This option is just water", which means that they are going to steam clean it, which is totally fine by me. At first I was getting mad, but I remembered that this is this guy's hustle. He repeated the whole "it's just water" line like four times till I said, "then maybe we should just forget it", which clammed him up quick.

I felt like I was buying a Cadillac with all the features stripped off. I could hear the salesman trying to sell me on the Sport package and ME responding, in a Russian accent (taking the accent of my adversary gives me a sense of empowerment), "NO. No a/c, no CD radio, no power steering." And then him trying to get me to buy power seats. "NO. I can do that myself." Navquest? "NO. Why I drive if I don't know where going?" Spare tire? "NO. I have fix a flat." Spare Keys?

"NO. Just Cadillac."

Some work I do.

2006-02-23T09:41:00.000-05:00

Blogging is nice, but as a creative outlet, it can be a little pathetic. I mean, I'm at work right now, with stuff to do, but I also know I can wrap most of it up in less than an hour. Wait a minute, that is circular - I just justified my own time wasting!

Look, I know that I usually hate on things that are popular - like the above. And I am starting to see how pathetic it is to do so. I am, like most, over-media-ated, and feel that I can express my individuality more fluently to others if I knee-jerk react to something that is automatically popular. Some of it is justified - I know that Dora the Explorer is the shit with the kids today, but you don't see me buying the DVD's at Kmart and shit. Why? Because I've outgrown it. I also know that I don't like movies with little plot line and lots of crashes and explosions and Yayo, because the plot lines get recycled and it ends up that I saw that with every Steven Segal movie ever. SO.

On President's day, I'm watching daytime TV and I turn to Dr. Phil. And it's "Bitch Day" or something like that - three women are on the show complaining about how bitchy they are. So he sits the first woman down - a too skinny, suburban housewife from I think OC - and they have all this footage of her going crazy on supermarket clerks, and the slow driver in front of her.

Quality stuff.

And Dr. Phil hits her like this - he says "the reason that you want to yell at all these people first is that someone got you real good when you were younger and you want to make sure you get them first." And I empathized with this. So fucking sue me. She ended up getting jumped by a bunch of girls when she was 13. I got jumped by a bunch of kids when I was 13. Am I necessarily bitchy? I don't think so (you can add a comment if you like - I can take it). But I am paranoid of being taken advantage of. So I am always on the lookout for someone trying to scam me or get mines without me getting a piece of theirs. Very Quid pro Quo.

So when it comes down to it, I just have to be AWARE of others hustles, but not knock their respective hustle. I've got to save myself before I start saving other knuckleheadz. There is a line where the royal "they" ends and the Crown Royal of "me" begins. Thank you Dr. Phil. A valuable lesson learn-ed.

Yeah...

At the movies - Tristam Shandy, Darwin's Nightmare, C.S.A.

2006-02-20T23:22:00.000-05:00

When I go to the movies, I go in bursts. This weekend was one such burst.

TRISTRAM SHANDY

A cheeky British movie about a book I never read. The book is about a guy who is trying to write his autobiography yet keeps adding comments about his present day situation that makes the book unfinishable, in the grand scheme of storytelling. It's a clever take on the whole behind-the-scenes movie in the vein of Singing in the Rain. I give it 4 out of 6 molars under the care of socialized dentistry.

Darwin's Nightmare

A great documentary about the ugly side of the global economy. I don't want to give a synopsis of the movie - you can find that here. The fish in this story, the Nile Perch, is one nasty fucker. Go see it now and you'll figure out why there is always war in Africa and why they can't seem to get their shit together over there. Hint: It has nothing to do with the fact that they are black. It has everything to do with natural resources, predatory capitalist economics, gun running, and the economics of food. One of the most enlightening and disturbing movies I've ever seen. For real pathos, check the scene with the prostitute singing the song about Tanzania for the Ukranian pilot.

I give it five out of five scrimps.

C.S.A.

What if the Souf won the Civil War? An academic, through Spike Lee's production company, created a mockumentary of Ken Burn's style and aesthetic and tells the story of the country from the crushing defeat of the Union at Gettysburg through Lincoln's exile in Montreal all the way to the present. Just the experience of watching this movie was hilarious, as it was a mostly white audience with the exception of one black guy.

At the beginning of the movie, everybody is laughing along with the obvious jokes. Yet, as it began to dawn on me as I watched the movie, some of the stereotypes in the film still manifest themselves today. Having this concept hammered into you over and over sort of takes the humor away after awhile. So, the white people slowly stopped laughing and the sole black guy in the theater started piping up. "OH SHIT - NOW THAT'S FUNNY", or "OH NO". He was obviously being sarcastic and also, rightly so, reminding us of the old adage that if it's funny, it's true.

It's a movie that will make you uncomfortable. And it will remind you why you hate all this family values bullshit - at one time, there was a portion of this country that was also trying to protect its "way of life". The acting was so-so, but jibes perfectly with the cheesy renactments that are sometimes seen on PBS.

I give it four out of four racist cans of tobacco.

Ridiculousness from the world of advertising...

2006-02-19T13:19:00.000-05:00

I simultaneously hate and love how pathetic and absurd this ad campaign featuring the Fugees is. The Fugees have decided to get back together (purely for artistic reasons, I'm sure) and have teamed up with Verizon to allow users (or suckas) to download their video "Take it Easy" onto their cell phones. And to aid in the promotion of this plan, the Verizon art director had this ridiculous shoot to run with promotion on the website.
Notice the "urban" background. Yeah, they street.

First off, it must be incredibly annoying to know that a band like the Black Eyed Peas are making more money than you. Lauryn Hill and Wyclef are extraordinarily gifted songwriters and producers (visa versa and respectively). And yes, the BEP are considered hip hop to the brainwashed masses of America right now and they are probably rolling in it. So I can't really fault them for getting back together. Yet whoever is managing their deals has really got to look at the big picture here. By doing stuff this like this, they are alienating the people that originally made them cool in the first place (ahem, like myself) and, while they will cast a wider net with releasing their material willy nilly all over the place, they are putting themselves in the Parthenon of Uncoolness and will limit their careers in the long run.

Or maybe not. Perhaps they will be selling out shows in Vegas when they are 60 when they do yet another reunion.

The reason why this drives me crazy is that at one point the fugees WERE cool, had a different thing going, broke up because they didn't like each other (yet i think Pras was always along for the ride), and were counter culture enough for a rebellious teen like myself to respect them. I liked them better in the old days, but as we all get older, I guess we all have to plan for retirement, feed, clothe, and school our kids, and go on trips to the Carribbean. Am I the only one that can see the pain in their eyes from doing this though?

I'm thankful for 21st century narcotics.

2006-02-17T15:28:00.000-05:00

I went to the dentist last night and boy, do I love me some pain pills. The dentist, a oral surgery resident at the NYU School of Dentistry, did the procedure in an amazing amount of time. He was amazingly proficient, taking both of my right "third molars"(otherwise known as wisdom teef) in less then 15 minutes.

I don't think the art, or practice, or savagery of dentistry (whatever you choose to call it) has changed much in the last 100 years or so. Outside the advent of novocaine and perhaps some advances in technique, it is probably just as brutal now as it was in, say, 1900's San Francisco. Both oral surgeons that I've had looked like they hit the gym. Whether or not they are just trying to attract the ladies might be the case as well, but I think you gotta have some muscle, especially in your hands, to take out stubborn eastern european molars such as the ones that were in my mouf. The top wisdom tooth was supposedly especially nasty, as it was grinding bacteria into my lower wisdom tooth.

I had a meeting with a one of my commercial tenants this morning, an older Indian (sub-continent) gentleman who owns four Dunkin Donuts franchises, who, upon learning about my surgery last night, said "Did the wisdom go in, or did it go out?" To which I replied, "no, it stayed right there." motherfucker trying to play mind games with me early in the morning I'll show him what time it is what time it is exactly to make those mothafukin donuts, shit.

Tension, self destruction, ruination, or nothing to do.

2006-02-16T12:34:00.000-05:00

Well you tell me. The pains of the nine to five are getting to me, especially when one is limited in what they can do (i.e. building a website for a company that values its secrecy and the ability to control information is a tricky situation). As long as the future of grad school is on the horizon I remain with a smile on my face.

How about that Dick Cheney? I bet he eats a lot of steak.

I have a good, nay, great idea for a couples book. I also have paranoid persecution fantasies, so the last thing I am going to do is put it on here.

I want to be a writer, not because I am a particularly good writer, but because of the fantasy of the lifestyle. How about sitting on my ass till 10, going to an empty coffee shop around 10, scoffing at the New York Post (which I would read first before the Old Gray Lady), taking an unsanitary dump in the bathroom, offering to clean the bathroom on a pro bono basis in order to get free coffee, becoming the local jittery caffeinated character, and then writing on my BLOG from the COFFEE shop BECAUSE THEY HAVE WIRELESS THERE.

No lit-tra-chure, no self help. Just pure self-absorbtion. I tend to get along with people who are unflinchingly self-absorbed, i.e., most like myself. And the amazing thing is that I become a remarkable listener when speaking to these people. There is nothing wrong with being into yourself, as long as you don't annoy anyone else.

I'll rewrite that in a way my therapist would be proud of: I don't think there is anything wrong with being self-absorbed as long as I don't annoy anyone else.

First post.

2006-02-07T16:02:00.000-05:00

Go do something productive for fucks sake.